In a Pickle
by caylender
Summary: Seth should really know better by now that Dean is one odd duck, and at times, it's best to let him be. The fic in which, Dean talks to a trashcan, Seth hates sweet pickles, and Roman is along for the ride. Shield oneshot


**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything recognizable, like any WWE wrestler or Culvers...

This is set somewhere in the Shield Days. (Is that a thing? I feel like it should be...) It's mainly to propitiate Captainbartholomew, who's being patient while I take forever writing something for her and because she said she wanted to read some humor. So here you go. ;)

* * *

"Hey. I need a crispy chicken sandwich with the works… Ro, what do you want to drink?"

Without looking up from his phone, Roman said, "Pepsi's fine with me."

"A Pepsi with that. And two double cheeseburgers with ketchup and mustard and a large fry. Make sure they don't put any sweet pickles on them. My little brother, here, hates them. And umm, bacon. We need bacon. I know they usually limit you to only two slices, but darling, I'd really appreciate it if you put as many slices as possible on my burger. If there's room for lettuce, than there's not enough bacon on it. If you can even see the burger, there's not even close to enough bacon on that sucker. You know, that reminds me of..." Dean continued to place his rambling soliloquy of a fast food order.

Seth grimaced at Dean's lengthy antidote that involved a not quite dead pig and his destroyed cell phone. He swiped a two striped candies together in Candy Crush. It was odd that the cashier hadn't said a single word this entire conversation. Out of curiosity, Seth glanced up from his phone and gaped at Dean. His teammate was currently gabbing away with a trashcan.

In Dean's defense, he had been driving a very long time, and the trashcan did kind of look like it could be a drive through speaker. The garbage's opening extended outward towards the curb, so that drivers could just lean over slightly to drop trash into it without having to get out of their vehicle. It kind of looked like an older style speaker.

However, the fact remained that Dean had been talking to the garbage for the last five minutes. Seth found himself caught between wanting to slap his brother upside the head and laughing; however, another part of him didn't want to want to deal with an embarrassed Dean Ambrose. The driver of the car behind their rental made Seth's decision for him when the red Honda let out an obnoxious beep.

And another beep.

And another…

BEEP!

"Hey Dean," Seth began

BEEP!

Dean lazily glanced at Seth. "I'm just getting to the good part of the story."

Seth grimaced, "I know, man, but you need to pull up to the speaker to order."

Seth's observation was punctuated by another long beep from the red Honda. And another…

"I am ordering."

"Um, not exactly. That's not the speaker. That's a garbage can."

Neither men spoke at first. Dean was trying to wrap his head around the fact that he probably just entertained a trash bin that contained hibernating raccoons with some of his greatest hits while Seth didn't want to worsen the fragile situation. But the driver of the red Honda didn't seem to care about Dean's ego. BEEP!

"So you just let me sit here, talking to a garbage?"

"Not really. I wasn't paying attention and-"

BEEP!

Dean leaned out the window. "Shut up!" He then retreated back into the car. "You probably think this is hilarious."  
This was going to play out exactly as Seth had feared. "No man, I told you as soon as I realized."

BEEP!

Roman finally looked up from his phone and glanced between Seth and Dean. "Why are we parked next to a garbage?"

BEEP!

Dean scowled at Seth, and Seth glared back.

BEEP!

Dean shifted the rental into drive and flipped the bird to the red Honda. He pulled the rental up to the light up menu and the speaker. He shifted the car into park and leaned against the open window.

"Welcome to Culvers. How may I help you?" A woman's voice greeted the wrestlers.

"Hello darling, I'd like two double cheeseburgers with the works. One of them with as much bacon as possible. The other with sweet pickles."

Seth looked incredulously at Dean. Seth hated sweet pickles. Absolutely hated sweet pickles. They made him pull faces when he tasted them, like he a kid at the dinner table that was forced to eat broccoli. He shuddered at just the thought of them.

"But darling, my friend here is a freak and loves those things. He won't be happy until there's more sweet pickles than burger, so can you put at least seven sliced sweet pickles on that sucker? And I'm not talking about seven slices of sweet pickles but seven sweet pickles sliced. I don't want to see him cry if he doesn't get his pickle fix."

Seth's eyes nearly bulged out of his head. "No way, Dean! Stop being an ass."

Dean gave Seth an annoyed look before facing the speaker. Roman was glancing between the two again.

"And a crispy chicken sandwich with the works. And these are all baskets with Pepsi's."

Seth glared at Dean from the passenger seat as they pulled up to the next window to pay and get their food.

When the young cashier gave Dean his change, she smiled at him and winked. "I didn't realize how cute you were! I'll make sure they put all the pickles we have on that burger!"

"Really, we-" Dean cut off Seth with a subtle elbow to the side.

Dean lazily smiled at her. "I really appreciate it, darling."

She winked again and disappeared from the window. A couple minutes later, she reappeared with a drink tray and a couple of bags. Then she scribbled something down on the back of the receipt before handing it to Dean. "Here you go, sir."

Dean grinned at her and made a big show of putting the receipt into his sweatshirt pocket. "For safe keeping," he explained. "Take care, cutie."

As they pulled out of the drive thru, Seth alternated between glaring at Dean and pouting. Really by now with how long he had known Dean, Seth really should have predicted something like this happening. Seth grimaced at the mere thought of eating that many sweet pickles. He supposed that he could always snag Dean's burger, but then again, just the thought of all that bacon made his arteries start to clog.

From the backseat, Roman finally spoke up. "What was that? And what's with the sweet pickles?"

Both Seth and Dean glared at Roman: Dean from the rearview mirror and Seth turning slightly around.

"Seth really was craving pickles…"

Roman looked confused. "But he hates sweet pickles."

Seth rubbed his temples. He had a feeling he knew what Dean was about to say, and he wished he was wrong.

Dean shrugged. "I guess he's in a pickle then."

Seth groaned and thumped his head against the window. And Roman still had a baffled expression on his face. The Samoan shrugged and commented, "I get this weird feeling that I should separate you from each other and give you a lecture about picking on your little brother…"

As Dean began to pull the rental back onto the road, the obnoxious red Honda veered around them, running the stop sign and pealing onto the road, tires squealing.

"Asshole," Dean muttered as he carefully pulled out of the parking lot. "Some people just overreact to the littlest things."

Seth stared at Dean. Words failed him.

* * *

A/N: Not going to lie, this is inspired by my dad pulling a similar stunt with a trashcan in the drive thru. The poor guy has a serious love/hate relationship with drive thrus. Whether it's this type of situation or trying to order my little sister's ridiculously named coffee from Starbucks. (Can I have a cookie, mocha, chocolate frapachino? No dad! It's a mocha cookie crumble frapachino!)...Bless his heart. I figured the wonderful Dean Ambrose might run into similar trouble.

So leave me a review, or Dean will order you some fast food with extras of whatever you hate on top!


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